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Today is a weird day. Why? Because my ex-husband got remarried. Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t worry me and frankly it didn’t until……. my children came home from the wedding and showed me the wedding pictures.
First of all – I’ve never seen the “new bride” and while she wasn’t much to look at I have to say wasn’t a fan of her dress. A white bohemian number but it has nothing to do with me and I am not wearing it.
But then I saw the photos of the guests. Sure his sisters and brother were there with their families but then I noticed “friends of ours” in attendance. These are people that we lost touch with almost five years prior to our separation and yet here they were in attendance at his wedding. Obviously he had “reconnected” with them after we split up.
Wow! Am I being ungrateful right now or just petty? I feel disappointed. I guess it’s almost like they “Chose him over me” syndrome. Silly I know. If I wanted to I could have reached out to them myself and asked them over but being a “single woman” a lot of people are loathe to “meet up” again after a break up.
Being single is my choice – I have no ill feelings towards my ex but I feel like I’m the one being left out of the conversation. What are they saying about me? Who cares? Well I guess I do right now. Tomorrow might be a different story and it usually is but it’s almost like he gets the “happy ending” and I get what’s left over.
Gee I guess I’m talking myself INTO this right now. My life is full and I’m extremely happy with the choices I have made. I decided a long time ago (even before the divorce) that I could no longer live with someone in my life (except my kids of course) and when it happened it was a relief but…..on a day like today I begin to wonder WHAT IF…..
I guess it’s my day to talk myself into and out of anything as I sit alone writing on my blog. I’m disappointed in myself right now – why? Because I’m thinking about the What If, when I know it was the best decision for me and I am happy. What more can I ask for?
Growing up I was very active and living in Queensland everyone had a pool and I learned to swim in the school swimming pool so I never considered my weight a problem. I was only 13 and there was a lot to do but one day I put on my favourite summer dress to wear over my bathers and I didn’t fit into it. This was the start of a life long journey of self perception that I was over weight.
This continued through to my early 20s when I met a boy and suddenly I wanted to lose weight. At the time it fell away because I was so nervous around him that I just stopped eating but as time went on and I became comfortable with him the weight went back on.
Then in my early 30s I got pregnant with my first and second child and the weight piled on. I ended up buying men’s clothes because they were baggy on me and with a “G Cup” breast size I wanted to fade into the background.
At my 40th Birthday I decided it was time to do something about it after my son could put his arms around my waist so I joined Weight Watchers and lost 15 kilos. I was finally down to a size 14 and was able to wear dresses.
Of course, money became tight and I had to give up Weight Watchers so sure enough the weight came back on. I tried to ignore it for a long time but with high blood pressure and diagnosis of Diabetes Type 2 it was time to do something about it again and I returned to Weight Watchers. I initially lost 10 kilos but it’s now been 4 years and I have plateaued where I still have another 12 kilos to lose but nothing I do seems to be working.
What has been the underlying decision and work on my weight has been that I always thought my mother was disappointed that I didn’t look after myself. Her common thing to say is “I’m your mother, if I don’t tell you, who will?” I mentioned I was going to Weight Watchers and she was suddenly really interested and proud of me for doing something about my weight. Little things she would say always stuck with me and since she’s a size 12 herself and has always been able to “keep the weight down” I’ve been envious of her.
Now the reason for today’s blog. Just last week I sat with her and we were discussing the people walking past and what they were wearing and why they don’t dress for their size. I said that I didn’t like what I wear but I don’t have choice because there wasn’t anything flattering about my clothing because of my size. My mother was horrified that I thought this because she told me “You always look lovely. You always take care of yourself and I’m proud of you for keeping the weight off”. This absolutely shocked me. Why? Because I always thought she wanted me to lose weight because I was fat. But in truth she wanted me to be healthy and to make sure I was around for my kids. I am healthy and while I still have a long way to go – four years ago I couldn’t even walk very far, now I can walk for a couple of hours and even get in some jogging which would not have happened all those years ago.
I just wish I had the forethought to discuss this with her earlier, I might have lost the weight a lot faster had I known she was already proud of me the way I was. It’s really up to me to stop caring what she and other people think of me and start to let myself off the hook. I’m good, I’m great and while I have a little ways to go I am the healthiest I have been since I was a teenager. I certainly would like to fit into a smaller size clothing but I definitely wouldn’t want to wear that summer dress I had as a child.
PERCEPTION – it’s all in the way you perceive your life and what you want out of it. Don’t let others dictate your life – it’s like being in a car and letting someone else drive. I don’t know about you but I prefer to be in the driver’s seat.
Have a great weekend.
Today was just like another day. Got up, showered, got ready for work, got in the car and started the 22 minute journey to the office. Yeah right! Sure enough things didn’t go as planned. Some large truck on the freeway burst into flames and all inbound lanes to the city were blocked.
There is nothing you can do. All people trying to get into the city had to find other ways to avoid the freeway so, of course, they detoured to my lovely route. There is nothing more I could do about it but sit in traffic and deal with it.
It’s a shame so many other drivers don’t have the same attitude. They are almost panicked into action. Zipping in and out of lanes that move no further than a car length every five minutes. Finally a couple of them got the on ramp of the freeway to get on, obviously unaware that they wouldn’t get to the next off ramp any time soon.
Then you get the ones who can’t wait for the traffic so when there’s a green light they park themselves right in the middle of the intersection just as the light turns amber and then red. So now they’ve blocked the traffic coming from another direction.
For years I had to sit in traffic and would get so annoyed and frustrated with people and my horn would go off more times than I care to admit but then one day I saw a young guy drive very fast past me, zipping in and out of the traffic to finally get to the end of the road and guess what? I drove up and realised I was beside him.
Just recently in the early morning, I watched an almost accident in a roundabout. One guy didn’t give way to a big truck. What I observed made me wonder. The truck driver abused the car in the round about, honking his horn, and then the truck driver passed the car on a busy stretch of road and slowed down to abuse him again. What did it achieve? The car still traveled to its destination and the truck driver was now in a bad mood and would probably find himself in that mood for the rest of the day.
No matter how much we try there is no point in rushing. We will all get there in the end and that’s when my attitude changed. Strangely that too is when the traffic seemed to ease up and I was able to get to work or home again with ease. Sure it might have taken an extra 10 minutes or so on some days but what was the point of being upset? I’m now home, safe and sound, I’ve got my PJ’s on and I’m snuggling underneath a blanket to watch a favourite movie. Alls right with the world.
Everyone really needs to stop and smell the roses or the only thing they’ll be seeing is the roses on the side of the road where they crashed their car and killed themselves or someone else.
I’ve been spending a lot of time learning about the Law of Attraction and I have been working very hard to put it into practice with regards to my job. In my last blog I mentioned that this was my dream job but I wasn’t happy with it.
Well what a difference a month makes.
I have spent a great deal of time speaking Mantras to myself. Making sure I got up and thought positive thoughts about my life, my work, my workmates and I am happy to report that things have improved almost so much it’s like an about face.
I am very happy to go to work every day. My workmates are including me in conversations, some I would prefer not to be involved with. There is still a little drama but hey, what’s a day without drama?
I cannot tell you how nice it is to actually go to work and enjoy what you’re doing and all because I changed my outlook and attitude. There are still areas I’m not sure about but I’ve been given a new lease on life and that has given me an opportunity to see things a little differently but also to look at things from a different perspective and apply it to the situation in hand. Wow! I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but it’s actually fun to go to work.
Things are changing again and unfortunately quite a few people aren’t happy with the changes but at this moment they don’t affect me personally so I don’t have issue. They still might change but I spend at least an hour every night being grateful for the things that happened today and if there was something I didn’t like I go over it and see it from another person’s perspective. This is all very new to me but reading what I wrote last month and how I feel today it’s like I’m talking to two different people.
So today, my job is fun and I’m feeling really good about myself bring on Friday and the weekend and I’m good to go for another week. Thank you for your support. It helps considerably.
It’s been almost a year – June 1st, 2015 when I joined the company and there is something “missing” and I am really confused about what to do about it.
This is something I had been looking for after three years of being “just a receptionist with nothing to do” and yet it hasn’t turned out exactly the way I would have liked. The people are lovely but all are young enough to be my children and I really have nothing in common with them, even at lunch, I either go to lunch alone or they are all sitting at the table on their “phones” and conversation has become a dying art. I try to talk but then there’s that inevitable silence. There is no communication.
Sitting in the reception area means I am cut off from the “conversations” that go on and I hear them all laughing and talking but no one seems to want to include me. I could get up and go in and join the talk but when I realise what they are talking about I’m of no use in that conversation.
I am doing accounts, something I don’t know a lot about but I have been learning quite a lot and quite enjoying being able to balance things. But, I’m spending the days with a boss who is a child and she keeps giving me work. Being a person who was in charge of an area before this is a little belittling.
Working for a small company that is increasing exponentially I wonder whether it’s a good idea. They have gone from a staff of 9 to a staff on 19 in just under a year. This has meant also that while work is coming in we our cash flow is minimal we don’t have a lot of money to pay the subcontractors who work for us. We are forever following up on payments from people which I find very hard to do but it “has to be done.” Added to that I work for two guys who are passionate about their work but they are still children who ‘can’t spell’ – something I pride myself on. I am a very organised person who comes from an era where we would have taken things slowly and not employed so many people so quickly until we had the MONEY IN THE BANK. They are doing very well and have just purchased new properties and cars at a cost of over $3M. I’m not jealous and congratulate them for fulfilling their dreams but…..
I took this job because I wanted it and actually went down in pay to get it so now I’m out of pocket $2,000 a year, plus I’ve learned that everyone who has been employed after me is getting more money and this includes a couple of 21 year old males. I’m now doing a job I’m not really sure I like – how do I turn it around?
PROS AND CONS?
- Not far from home
- Parking on site
- Because I get to work an hour early, I can leave 15 minutes early every day and get to leave at 4:00 pm every Friday
- I have time to time up my novels
- Not a lot of work that is exciting, nothing I can sink my teeth into.
- Not sure I really like the job
- The people are so young and I’m very much alone “Everyone calls me “Mum” don’t want to be the mum, it’s not my job, they all have one each.
- I spend my time cleaning the kitchen because no one likes to do that job.
- I get to do jobs that no one else really wants
Oh well, until I can get my head around why I don’t like it I guess I’m here for a little longer. Wish me luck, I think I’m going to need it.
I love Australia – not because I was born here and lived here all my life but because I love the lifestyle, the people, the land and the feeling that I belong. I’d never want to live anywhere else.
You can be anyone you like and everyone likes everyone else. We’re relaxed, fun loving and “take the piss” out of everything. No “Toffee Nosed People” can last three minutes in the presence of an Aussie because they’re brought back down to earth with a thud.
If you want to “get away from it all” this is where you need to come. Beautiful landscapes, interesting cities and a few stories to go along with the history that is my home.
I was born in 1959 – I remember playing in the backyard of one of five houses in a street. I remember walking to school. I also remember walking home from ballet class by myself at the age of 7, unaware that I was supposed to go home with a neighbour. (They didn’t tell me that my mum wasn’t picking me up).
I have fond memories of setting fire to myself as a four year old and being taken to hospital where a friend and I tried to climb into bassinets which had sick babies in them.
I remember a swimming pool being put up by the local Apex Club that my father was a member. I remember helping make sandwiches for the Apex guys as they helped renovate an old house for the Country Women’s Association.
I remember buying my first house in a street with three other houses and waking up to find a cow in my front garden. Now the cows have been replaced by a highway.
There is still so much land and houses available if you’re willing to go that little bit further but you can always appreciate the fact that in Melbourne – there are always four seasons in one day and no two days are the same.
Australia is called the “Lucky Country” for a good reason and worth a visit every single time.