I spent the time at her place going through a lot of her personal possessions, making phone calls cancelling gas and telephone accounts, trying unsuccessfully, to get her Funeral Insurance money and for that to happen I need the funeral parlour to collect her body and get a copy of the death certificate.
It was a “catch 22” to say the least and I have to say the wonderful people at Allison Monkhouse Funerals have helped considerably. They collected the body, will have her cremated and her ashes scattered over the rose bushes in the gardens of the cemetery like she would have liked but I can’t have that happen until the Insurance company get the death certificate which was only made available, today, Friday. So no money and no cremation until at least next week.
There is a whole lot more going on that I will not bore you with mainly due to the fact that there aren’t enough words in the world to say what I really feel about some peoples answers when it comes to the death of someone. Things like “there’s a cancellation policy you will have to pay” or “she signed an agreement that needs to be paid out”. Excuse me? I’m sorry my friend died but you can go jump in a lake or words to that effect.
I shall spend the entire weekend at her flat removing a lot of personal items and generally making sure that everything is taken care of.
Added to this I have kept her friends “in the loop”. All good but as it’s now Friday night I’ve come to realise that I need to stop. Stop worrying about what others are going through. Stop letting people know what is happening. Just stop! As executor I am in control and yet as she was my best friend and “soul sister” I too have lost someone and while she looked after everyone else, including me, I didn’t know these people very well and I have to look after myself too.
I am important too. I will follow her wishes and make sure that every cent is accounted for but I won’t be explaining myself any more. I need to grieve like everyone else. I know how she thought, how she laughed about the end result and I know what she is asking of me. I need to ensure that not only her wishes are followed but that I take care of myself because she wouldn’t like my being so giving of myself. She knew me and really I don’t know these people. I have heard stories about them but the only reason I am keeping them in the loop is because they were her friends too.
I got a little closer than all of them but I still need to deal with my own personal grief.
I’ve become stronger because of her and she taught me that a sense of humour and a positive attitude is what gets you through life – I won’t be a door mat any more. I’m here, I’m strong and I like being me. I am going to get through this and no one is going to bring me down and certainly not to their level.
It’s time to take a stand and while she stands beside reading this and nodding her head I know that I’m making a good decision and giving myself the break that I need.
I am a good person. I will do the right thing and she was my best friend who I loved and will miss dearly.