On Sunday I lost my best friend, she died after a long and drawn out illness. She and I had been the best of friends for over 20 years. She called me her “soul mate” – we thought alike, laughed alike and generally understood each other. It was the best feeling to know that there was someone out there that you could call and talk to as if the conversation we were having two days ago was still going on.
She, in all her wisdom gave me the job of being Executor to her estate. Small though it is in just one day it became a comedy of errors. There is no “guidebook” to dealing with the death of a loved one and what to do so I have had to make it up as I go along. I thought by contacting a solicitor, the hospital and funeral home they could all just take the matter off my hands. Stupid me for thinking it was going to be that easy. In the end it has been left to me to do it all and in doing so I realise that I haven’t got a clue.
What do I think? I think my friend is standing right beside me right now laughing her head off. She didn’t know it would be this hard but I think she is still enjoying the ride. And what a ride.
But my biggest question now is “What am I going to do without her?”. I went to work and she would call me first thing, we’d talk and laugh and then in the afternoon we would call again. Sometimes we’d talk more just over silly things we heard or we’d have long conversations basically about nothing but when I was down these conversations made me realise how trivial my problems were and I got over it really quickly.
What is funnier/sadder still is that when my marriage broke down I didn’t cry but I’ve spent the last couple of days ‘remembering’ and just bursting into tears. Luckily I cry at just about anything because if she thought I was crying over her she would think I was being silly. I can cry over a sad commercial on TV or a sad story but crying over her? Not on!!
She is missed already. I don’t know how many times I have wanted to call her in just one day or wondered why I haven’t heard from her but knowing the pain she was in near the end and what she had to endure in the last couple of months I know she is in a better place. I won’t stop talking to her, or yelling at her, or blaming her for everything that goes wrong in my life (it was an in joke). She will always be beside me, egging me on, making me ask the tough questions that she would always ask.
It’s hard though, knowing that I have to go on alone. She was my closest friend and you don’t find many of them in your life time. True friends are hard to come by but this is my very first death of someone close and I will survive. She makes me stronger than I ever thought I could be and I know I am a survivor. I certainly will be taking out “Funeral Insurance” and also visiting a doctor more regularly. I will ensure my Will is in order and made as simple as possible. I have many years ahead of me and while I walk alone I know that I shall never be lonely, she wouldn’t do that to me – she wouldn’t dare.
Love the people you have in your life now, as they might not be there tomorrow.