I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. I am now a single woman. I still live in the family home with my two grown children who are just really starting their careers and haven’t really got a handle on their lives so they are taking their time making a decision as to where they are going.
Me? I’ve already been there – I’m not ready for retirement and I am not looking at old age but I have to consider all my options. I am happy in my life. Yes happy. I am separated and felt it long before he left. Now I am alone and I’m not lonely. So why is it necessary for me to start looking at new things in my life? People want me to find someone else. What the hell for? The last one was not the love of my life but I trusted him more than anyone else and he was the most honest person I would have ever thought there could me and he turned out to be a rat. So no, no man in my life is ever going to have such an effect on me again. PLUS I said he was not the love of my life and while I am a true romantic and even write romance novels for myself I don’t believe this is one man out there who could tolerate or put up with me as I am today.
Hopefully my kids will one day meet someone, fall in love, get married and have kids (not necessarily in that order) and I truly want to be around for that. Having said that I am considering going to Weight Watchers again (I went 15 years ago and lost a lot of weight). I sit around all the time considering my weight and my mother checks me out and every now and again tells me “you shouldn’t eat that” and I shouldn’t let that worry me. I should do what I want to do and then I think of all the things I would really like to do and sometimes it deals with clothes. I love clothes. I love the look of them and I love to wear them but they don’t like me in the form that I am in now.
I don’t want to be skinny, I will never be skinny but I want to be comfortable in my own skin and I realised only this week that I am not. I need a purpose. It doesn’t mean I will be attractive to the opposite sex or that I will be a super model but it does mean that I have something to strive for and certainly want to start looking after myself and that includes eating properly. I have checked on line and shall certainly be making a phone call or two to learn a little more. I’m not great in groups and personally don’t like new things but I don’t think that this will honestly keep me from doing something I should be doing right now.
So? It’s all about me!! I need to do what’s right for me and frankly if I don’t do it now I am never going to do it. I have the money and the means to put myself first for a change and I am looking for that new challenge in a really good place in my life. I am my own boss and I need purpose and this challenge will send me in one direction rather than the fifteen I keep thinking about.
This is a start of things to come whether good or bad but it’s a start and I have to start somewhere. Wish me luck!