I want to write. I want to say something but I haven’t been “inspired” to say anything. Do you have to be inspired or do you just have to write? I always remember someone saying “If you have to ask if you’re a writer then you’re not a writer”. Writing is a passion that you feel. You have to put your feelings into words and sometimes they hurt and sometimes they mame. I’m the type of person who has spent a lifetime saying things that are hurtful and stupid called “FOOT IN MOUTH”. I don’t mean to say them but it just comes out of my mouth. I have then spent a lot of time alone making sure I don’t have to say anything to anyone.
Am I now my own worst enemy? I have few friends and yet I’m not lonely. I know my kids will be moving on sooner rather than later but I’m not afraid.
I like my own company. I’m not afraid of being alone so what’s wrong with me? Nothing! However, society tells you that you HAVE to have lots of friends. You HAVE to go out and enjoy yourself drinking. You HAVE to be married and HAVE a mate for life.
There are so many more women alone after 50 than ever before. We seem to fall on our feet and can cope in situations that a lot of men can’t. I don’t travel, I don’t go out to dinner but I look forward to getting a house of my own and creating a life inside that is just me. I want to continue to work and be able to afford the things that I love to create a home that suits me.
I also intend to continue to write. I might not write things that others want to read but I know that I’m good and while I’ve had some articles published I want to give myself a chance to write a story or stories that people will want to read and leave something of myself behind for generations to come.
I would like to chronicle my family in a way that isn’t normal. You read details as history but what about the people living the lives? I would love for people to read my life in a way that shows the everyday, boring bits! Of course there are diaries left for people and they are a little involved but I know nothing about their every day lives, I would love to know more about my Great Grandparents but there’s nothing out there. I know I had some great grandparents but don’t know what they were thinking on a day to day basis.
I know a little about my grandparents because my parents are alive to talk about them but I appreciate the day to day now rather than 100 years ago. I have some idea about my parents and I’ve been told stories about how they met. My father has become a painter and he paints what he likes and to leave that legacy is inspirational that it makes me want to write my life out even the “boring bits”.