Here I am at 52 and a reasonably intelligent woman so why is it that I’m looking for something / anything to explain who I am and most of all try to find something to believe in. I’ve always loved being a Libran because romance has been at the core of who I am. I love television, movies, music, reading (only recently did I really start to find a book interesting) and most of all I’ve loved writing romance. But Librans have the scales and there are always two sides to every story.
But here I am looking for something. I would blame it on my separation but that was over a year ago and frankly I’ve been looking way before then.
In the last couple of years I’ve been fascinated by THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne and that has started me in directions that I would never have gone. Being a Libran I have weighed everything up and come up with the fact that I spend my life weighing up the pros and cons to life. The Law of Attraction exists, I’ve lived it all my life. I’m probably the most positive person anyone could ever meet. The three words that I have only just learned create my life have been ASK, BELIEVE, RECEIVE and believe me until I read it in this book I thought I was just an exceptional human being who could predict when a movie would come on TV or find something I had always wanted in a shop or on line but I now know that I’m special.
SPECIAL – such an ugly word. I don’t consider myself special, in fact, I don’t consider myself normal under normal conditions. THEN I got onto Angel Cards and on reading about them and playing with them I have learned that there are things in the universe that can be controlled if you believe.
Am I a believer in God? Who knows because I don’t think of it in terms like that and yet I’m starting to believe in Angels.
A person could go mad just thinking. I’m fickle. I can’t make up my mind whether I’m sane or insane. So what am I to do.
Well I’m 52 years old and while I don’t purport to preach to anyone I have decided that I have a lot more to learn but that I also believe in what I believe in. I love my life, I’m not like other people, I surprise people and I make it my business to make people feel better about themselves and about life and try to stop them from whinging on a Monday morning or moaning that it’s raining (Mondays are my favourite day of the week because everyone else hates it – rain just means that the flowers are getting the nourishment they need and I can enjoy the colour).
I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I don’t have to prove anything to myself I just have to sit back and let life happen on my terms. Once I get my head around this I know that I’m fine. I’m not in a hurry to do everything, I don’t have to do what everybody else wants to do with their lives because it is my life.
People don’t understand that I don’t want to travel, especially overseas, I find it more pleasing to have a holiday at home. I don’t take holidays – I take days off and to me a great time is taking a day off for five weeks. How many people get to enjoy a four day week?
I have to stop worrying about where life is going because I’m going in the direction I was meant to go and until I learn that I have nothing to prove, not even to myself I’m still going to be looking for something – but what is it I’m looking for when I am almost sure I have it. I have a life that is fulfilling and doesn’t need a man, I have two kids who are moving on with their lives in the direction they want and if I put my mind to it maybe my writing will attract some attention of the professional kind and then I’ll be headed in another direction.
A person could go crazy just thinking so I guess my only course of action is to take life as it comes and appreciate what I have right now.