I have spent quite alot of time over the last two years being alone. I fantasised about not having my husband around and couldn’t imagine that when my kids left home that I would still be with him. Why? Because my husband and I had never really been close and at this time of my life we weren’t much of anything.
Going by the “law of attraction” his leaving was part and parcel of what I have been imagining for so long.
When he was gone I was alone and I felt good. I felt in control again. I didn’t think “hey I can go out with friends and have a wow of a time” and I didn’t think “I can now go overseas and enjoy myself” because that is not me. I am quite content being alone. I don’t need alot of people, I’ve never really needed alot of people in my life.
Why? Because I’ve admitted to myself that I’m not like everyone else. I like romance and movies, television shows, reading books (now) and watching shows over and over and over again. I like to write and if I could afford it I will start to do things around my house to make the house look better and me feel better.
So why the hell did I go to bed last night and cry like a baby? Was I lonely? I never really feel lonely at any time.
I seem to talk to myself alot mainly because no one wants to listen to me ramble on about a a television show I’m hooked on right now. No one really wants to hear what I have to say and I’m OK with that but there are “moments in time” when it would be nice to talk to someone.
My best friend is extremely sick and there are no words to describe just how sick she is. I have another friend whom I can talk to but sure enough she lives in another country and it is difficult for us to talk. I have family but they have enough in their lives to listen to me ramble.
This is NOT to put myself down, I am important and when I’m at work I can put on an act that could give me an Academy Award but am I really acting or is it a case that I am two extremely different people. The vivacious one that has everyone laughing and the positive attitude and the one at home who is very happy with her lot in life and still has a positive attitude but just needs a good cry now and again.
I don’t miss my husband and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t crave alot and am extremely happy about my place in the world, I won’t do anything spectacular but my favourite saying is “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel……” I’ve been told that people remember that I made them feel good and for that reason alone I could die a happy woman.
I’m alone by choice and occasionally lonely but I’m happy and not many people can honestly say that in their lives.
Remember to smile at least 1,000 times a day and if you get one smile back then you’re doing a good job.