I’ve been separated two weeks and a day – how do I feel? Funnily enough I feel good. I’ve adapted. I do much more cleaning around the house, although everything is in it’s place and it looks great. The kids (well adults 21 & 19) speak to their father daily. My son works in the same building so he passes on mail. Nothing has changed except the fact that he’s just not here but since he has been here physically and not mentally for a couple of years – nothing has changed.
I’ve gone out and got myself a visa debit card – all on my own, I’ve never done that before. Everything has always been done for me and it’s exciting to get my own bank account. To have to use my own money. It’s scary but I know I can do it. With a little willpower.
He wants me to keep the house but it’s huge and with both kids hardly home I really would like a smaller place, maybe even own a place and get on with my life – he’s still controlling what I do even when he’s not here.
Sure he’s paying most of the bills and the mortgage but that was his choice and he has to deal with that half.
Otherwise I don’t feel any different which I thought I would be. Other women fall in a heap devastated over a lost love. I came to a conclusion some time ago that I didn’t love him any more or was in love with him. I didn’t even like him much in the end and we parted with me telling him “we’re friends” – Right now I don’t even like that but we’ve talked, he’s changing our internet server, he has to arrange for someone to come and fix our toilet (which I’m hoping needs to be completely replaced) He doesn’t want to spend any money on the house and yet it’s 20 years old and needs some major attention. He did what he wanted (got a pergola) before he left but changes are necessary for a decent sale for a decent price and he’s not willing to come to the party so there will be issues down the track.
In the meantime I sit back in my lovely big house that I spend most of my time trying to keep clean and enjoy the peace and quiet if I want to or turn on the TV and enjoy one of the many channels I have. While he is….. I haven’t got a clue and don’t care. Sad but true.