OK so I’m separated. Finally! This is not a shock moment for me and frankly I knew it was coming it was just a matter of when and luckily he took all the blame (which was correct) but I decided NOT to tell my work mates for a couple of reasons, 1. None of their business; 2. Doesn’t affect my work in any way and 3. Because I don’t want to hear the sob stories and also the tone come out in their voices like my family have been giving me.
OK That sounds crass I know but when I tell him “I’m good or even that I’m great” the answer comes back – “maybe now but later……” Later when?
The guy cheated on me. I knew it! (more fool me because I didn’t say anything). The guy was miserable and didn’t bother to say anything. He could have said “I’m not happy, maybe we should do some counselling”. The guy talked AT his kids who are 21 and 19 and not TO them. This was the cause of many many arguments because I tended to side with the kids. Only because I could talk to them, I could understand their frustration and they were willing to tell me alot of stuff they would never tell their father.
So don’t come to me with that tone “Oh I’m so so sorry! Are you alright?” or “Oh that’s awful, how are you coping?”
Coping is not the word I would use. I’m not even really angry. There are two people in the marriage. I was comfortable & secure. True our sex life wasn’t anything to rave about but it never was and luckily he gave it up in the last 9 months (oh gee I wonder what a man was doing for sex these days?) Anyone know a man to go 9 months without sex? I didn’t think so.
I don’t really care. I have been living in a house that is too large for the three of us. I work full time five days a week and on the weekend I’d come home and at times, work four hours on a Saturday morning cleaning the house while he went shopping or sat upstairs on our bed watching TV. I washed & ironed his clothes, I cooked (something he did for most of our married life until about a year ago) and now he’s finally had enough and gone.
Well I’m not jumping up and down for joy but I’m not sitting on my backside whining about a lost love.
Luckily we’ve parted on “good terms” – my idea – I kissed him goodbye the day he left and the kids were told by him and were more concerned for me. I correspond with him by email now and that suits me fine. I’m learning to fend for myself. I’ve got new bank accounts, I’ll be getting paperwork written up to ensure that he doesn’t sell my house until I’m ready for it to go and certainly not before I get a chance to do it up and make sure I get as much money as I can for it.
I’m learning to find the necessary paperwork for bills and again, he will be paying them (his idea) – I just pay a portion and from there we will exist until I’m ready.
If he wants a new life at 49 then it’s his. I’m just glad he left before I had to put on a 50th birthday party for him coz it would be hard since he doesn’t have many friends.
I can finally sell that HIDEOUS dining table that I’ve hated forever but he’s refused to let me get rid of.
I can finally go to bed without him being there and me being more than uncomfortable in his presence.
Basically I’m happy. Not delirious but enough to know that I’m going to be OK and that alone gives me an opportunity to sleep well at night and get up the next morning with a smile on my face.